Humans are social creatures.
We organize ourselves into tribes of like-minded individuals who share common goals and priorities. Our early ancestors banded together for survival, cooperating to find food, shelter, and establish the order of things. This communal mindset took us from the hunter-gatherers we once were to the bustling technological giants we are today.
As such, solitude often carries a negative connotation. Alone time historically has been used as punishment. So when we see someone who spends a majority of time alone, we rush to judgement. Something is off, we tell ourselves. These “loners” need to be fixed. What’s wrong with them? What are they missing? What’s their story? There is no place for them in polite society.
I understand why social butterflies are placed on a pedestal. They’re seen as confident, alpha, and successful. They have an innate ability to captivate and hold attention. They appear trustworthy, less likely to present a threat. They possess all the qualities society demands.
However, embracing solitude is a bonafide superpower.
Those who make time for themselves examine life’s challenges with clear, focused attention. They have strong, consolidated thoughts and opinions. They develop more innovative and meaningful ideas. They’ve conquered their mind’s raging inner machinations, resulting in less stress and a level head.
Embracing solitude allows you to do your best work and be your best self.
Being alone builds confidence
We all want to be confident. To present our ideas and opinions succinctly and effectively. To be able to speak and act in such a way that endears us to people. Confidence opens doors to new and exciting opportunities.
By spending time alone, we’re able to determine what our ideas and opinions actually are. We can evaluate all sides of a topic with minimal outside influence. We can do our research, consider the thoughts and viewpoints of others, and decide what makes sense to us and what doesn’t. The result is a more comprehensive, thorough perspective.
The more complete your grasp of said perspective, the more confident you’ll be when discussing it with others.
There is science to suggest being alone boosts social status as a function of increasing confidence as well:
“We have some evidence to show that valuing solitude doesn’t really hurt your social life, in fact, it might add to it,” says Thuy-vy Nguyen, an assistant professor in the department of psychology at Durham University. “Because solitude helps us regulate our emotions, it can have a calming effect that prepares us to better engage with others.”
Being alone helps promote good habits
It’s not a complete cure-all, but solitude works wonders in stamping out bad habits. It’s a lot easier to stick to an AM workout schedule when you swap raucous nights out for quiet evenings at home.
When we spend time alone, we’re more likely to engage in constructive activities that push us forward. My writing output increases dramatically when I make solitude a priority. I stay on top of my household chores. I make better food choices. My workouts are more consistent. I get better sleep. I feel less anxious and more in control.
By making the choice to embrace solitude I am making the choice to work on myself. And when I’m my best self individually, I’m best equipped to be there for others.
Many life-changing ideas are developed in solitude
Leonardo Da Vinci. Sir Issac Newton. Marie Curie. Albert Einstein. Historical heavyweights who’ve contributed mightily to the advancement of humanity in the last few hundred years. All loners.
Da Vinci said,
“If you are alone you belong entirely to yourself. If you are accompanied by even one companion you belong only half to yourself or even less in proportion to the thoughtlessness of his conduct and if you have more than one companion you will fall more deeply into the same plight.”
Sir Issac Newton was known to completely immerse himself in his work, never taking up any hobbies or getting married. Marie Curie had her husband Pierre, but they were known to be very private. Albert Einstein preferred to work in solitude, favoring his notes over people. He famously said,
“Although I am a typical loner in my daily life, my awareness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has prevented me from feelings of isolation.”
Solitude provides the canvas from which life-changing ideas emerge.
For us mere mortals, this could be contemplating a career change. Or marriage. Or children. Or any number of things that hold importance in our lives. You don’t have to discover Relativity or create the Mona Lisa for it to be considered life-changing.
In a society where group-think is idolized, individualism is paramount
In 2020, we’re more factionalized than ever. Group identity has become the primary basis from which we derive meaning and significance. Everyone chooses a side. Conservative. Progressive. Gamer. Fitness enthusiast. Academic. Business person.
Individualism has taken a back seat. The group’s goals and priorities have been placed above our own. If you attempt to deviate from the group, you’ll be cast out like a leper.
Solitude affords us time. Time for thoughtful introspection. Time for considering what’s important to us, rather than the groups we associate with (yes, this could even include families and friend groups).
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
By encouraging solitude I am not suggesting relationships aren’t important. Human relationships are the most important parts of our lives. On our deathbeds we reflect on the people we’ve loved, not how much money we made or how many countries we visited.
But I am suggesting that solitude needs to be part of your life in some capacity. It’s where growth happens. It’s where ideas blossom. It’s where you get to know the person that matters most. You.
Be strong, be safe, be well.
Scott Mayer is a runner, thinker, curious observer and certified personal trainer.
Photo courtesy of Simon Berger on Unsplash